Projects

There is a list of projects around the house that have been there for too long. The weather is cooling and Jeff is headed into his holiday retail hell so I have time on my hands and I am determined to croos some off my list. The first thing I need to do is to acknowlege any costs associated with these projects and to put them into my budget for the month.

PATIO FURNITURE: We have a lovely bistro table with two matching chairs and we have four folding chairs as well. The folding chairs need new nuts and bolts in a few places, ($nuts and bolts). Everything needs to be hose down prior to ($hose), and then when the minor repairs and cleanign are complete I can paint them ($Rustoleum outdoor paint, tarp). A small bench of some kind to stor gardeny things would be nice too ($shelf). Then...voila! Outdoor space for the win. =)

GARAGE: The garage needs organizing. This is a project for a weekend. I need to haul the bagged clothes to the kmart donation center on 67th Ave. I need to pull the hard drives from the old computers and detroy them and then environmetally recycle the housing and monitors. I need to haul everything out to the yard and then hose out the garage with the hose I purchase for the patio furniture project (Hose- PIF paid in full). I need to assemble the two shelves I have (Shelves-PIF) and organize the items on them. One for longer term storage such as Holiday decoration, old files, and craft project boxes. One for frequent use items like car towels and cleaning supplies. I would love to keep paper towels, garbage bags, and bulk toilet paper stored there too to free up cabinet space IN my house. This will require an investment in rubbermade bins ($storage bins, Masking tape, black marker) A little sweat and perhaps the promise of dinner and beer to lure a helpful hand (plus the karmic assist back em them at some point) and we are golden! I want to put all of Jeff's ebay stuff on one wall, labeled so that he can easily begin selling it piece by piece but so that it looks nice too.

CLOSETS: This is a tougher one but if the garage is organized and I have enough bins then I can begin moving things out there. I want my closets back- namely the linen closet. Jeff saves all of the boxes to the things he buys even though they are empty but if I can keep them clean and preserved in the garage I think he's be cool with moving them. I concede the office closet to him but I want the bedroom closets organized for clothes and possible excess bedding and I want the guest room closet for seasonal clothing and workout equipment (exercise ball, weights, etc.). And the linen closet, of course. I need a shoe rack as well- maybe. It depends on how much room is created in the process of cleaning the rest up.

These are the major ones! Then on to others like: Refinishing bedroom furniture, slipcovering the casual couches (and adding foan to make them more comfortable) and covering throw pillows with fabric I like better...

Phew! Perhaps I have been watchign too much HGTV?

Slow-carb lunch

I am diggin lunch today. Its evidence of patience paying off. I have a meatball in seriously reduced tomato sauce (Its think and sweet and super flavorful) and I took my stash of veggies and trimmed them and roasted them with olive oil and seas salt. Sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, carrots, and fennel bulb. I keep dipping the veggies in the meatballs and tomato sauce. Mmmm! And it was ridiculously easy.

I skipped the beans today but a nice butterbean would be perfect with this combo. I need to maintain the habit of having TONS of veggies on hand.

"Epic" Guilt?

So, my default negative emotion is one of guilt and for no real reason. I mean, yes, there is usually something to feel bad about but the proportion of the action to the guilt respone is significantly skewed.

For instance: I usually do culinary adventures with my friend D on Saturdays. I did not do this weekendand the next two weekends are booked as well. We had discussed me missing this past Saturday but I had not indicated the plans on the other Saturdays and I worry that he will feel blown off or not important though he is VERY important to me. He has not said anything so there is a fair amount of assumption on my part that he is disappointed, etc.

I made different plans these next two Saturdays in order to hang with Jeff who has weekends off this month and certainly deserves a little love and time given that our schedules don't often align with much consitancy. We are going to the Fair and then to California and though I am excited, I feel guilty that I am dragging him this way and that on our time together when, perhaps, he wants nothing more than to sit and play video games or watch movies... BUT- he has not said anything so there is a fair amount of assumption on my part that he is overwhelmed or tired, etc.

Yesterday was Becky and Anthony's wedding. I showed up about 15 minutes before the posted ceremony time of 5:30 and the person bringing the flowers, food, doing the bride's makeup, and performing the ceremony (this is all the same person, btw) didn't show up for 45 minutes after my arrival and the ceremony was not underway until nearly 6:40. I was also asked in some what of a passive aggressive manner to not, "stand there and be pretty", but to get to work putting the food table together and placing flowers (when they finally arrived), etc. etc. etc. The wedding was clearly not about me but I was invited as a guest and not asked to help in any way until the day of when it was assumed that I would pitch in and sweat and get it all done. I told them well ahed of time that I would be leaving early given that it was a Sunday and I wanted to spend time with Jeff who had organized a viewing of The Walking Dead with our friends but I still felt like an ass having to slink out mid-ceremony. It didn't interrupt and I would hope that my assistance and presence at the beginning help show that I was there and supportive of them but the delays made my need to leave feel especially shitty... So I feel guilty and also resentful- the double whammy of negative emotions.

I also kind of wanted to visit my Aunt Coleen for Thanksgiving but felt guily about leaving Jeff on a holiday. Aunt Coleen originally offered to pay for my ticket and then kind of back peddled (understandably- I am a 30yr old, employed niece- not destitute or ungrateful so I should be paying my way for a visit) and asked that we split the cost. Now I am not sure I can afford it nor that I can say- I can't afford it unless you pay for the whole ticket.

Its so sad because there were so many lovely and happy moments this weekend, date night with Jeff, being flirty at the Walking Dead party, snuggling with the cat in bed together on Saturday and Sunday mornings, visiting Jeff's folks and eating homemade wontons and vanilla bean cake and laughing... And the prevailing feeling at the moment is the sickly green/gray fog of this depressive guilt!!!

Aargh! And typing "date night" reminded me that I also did not participate in a get together with Ben and Emily on Saturday. Ugh!

I even feel guilty about feeling guilty because it in some way implies that MY presence and any of these events was a key element to it ahving gone well. I am sure that my loved one would vouch for that but I am equally sure that I was not the KEY factor. I just feel shitty!

Churchill (for comparison only for the depression- not for the personal status) had his black dog and I have the sickly green fog bearing down on my back like hot, mildewy breath... and it laughs while I collapse in on myself.

The slow-carb thing

The scale shows a decrease of seven pounds! Yes- now I am one of thsoe obnoxious people that talks about every ounce lost... But privately on my blog- so- there is some redemption in that, I suppose... =)

I am proud and it was relatively painless.

I was surprise how the "cheat day" went. I just didn't ahve the appetite for 4 biscuits and sausage gravy. My meals- though including dairy, carbs, and sugar- remained smaller and I felt the impact of the sugar right away. I also had red wine and a whisky and rootbeer concoction and I felt queasy mid-way through the evening. I was SO glad to be returning to my beans and veggies. I probably still need to eat more meat for this thing but I am feeling pretty good so far.

Its the fit that counts

I have been doing the whole slow carb thing with a fair amount of diligence for a week. This is not a great deal of time but I put on my Friday jeans this morning and could easily button them WITH a bit of breathing room! This fits the typical timeline of expectations for this kind of eating. It is motivating and exciting to see results so soon. =)

Still- tomorrow is cheat day and its difficult not to think about just indulging a tad early. It will be most fun tomorrow with D and then later my honey and Jess and Christian. =)

Quotation expanded

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~ Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. ~ Steve Jobs

Mr. Jobs passed away today and this quotation was posted on Soulpancake.com in memorium.

All I can say is- thank you, sir...

Moments I thought of writing about and then didn't and now am...

1) On Sunday Jeff and I went to see 50/50. It was much better than I expected and I expected it to be alright. I didn't, however, expect to be full-on snotty crying as the primary character was wheeled in for surgery. I know why it hit me so hard- I am a delayed mourner and I had been a "strong" supporter for Kristin during her kidney transplant. It was a bit like holding your breath for a LOOOOOONG time and then having someone kick you in the belly resulting in rapid exhalation...
My step dad is also about to undergo iodine radiation treatment for his thyroid cancer- a diagnosis he was given whilst applying to donate a kidney for the aforementioned sister. I was only vaguely aware of how heavy that all was until I was no longer holding it up. Yeah movies!

2) I have restarted- with gusto- the slow carb diet as translated in The Four Hour Body. I am playing with my combinations of protein, veggies, and beans and coming up with yummy meals. I am finding that the meat portion of the meal is almost an after thought. I am sauteeing mustard greens with onion, garlic, smoky salt, chili flake, coconut oil, and fire roasted tomatoes. I have also roasted fennel, Brussel sprouts, onions, and carrots (tossed in olive oil and sea salt) finished with a drizzle of orange scented oil. I baked a bunch of chicken breasts and I have been adding those to each meal but I am not overly enthused with them. I may just supplement with more protein powder shakes. I have a shake and a hard boiled egg for breakfast. Breakfast is the most difficult as I have never been in the habit of eating it- at least not at actual breakfast time. In conjunction with this, I am working on my sleep- with varying results, and walking more. I feel much better but its only been since Sunday and I just weighed myself today so I have no evidence as yet of any weight loss.

3) I spoke with my Aunt Coleen today. She is dying to have me come to Tennessee to visit. I would absolutely LOVE to go too. She would pay for my gas or plane ticket too- which is amazing. I just have to figure out when I can go. I admit I feel much guilty thinking of taking off without Jeff during the holiday season. That is probably me filtering through my own lens, especially considering that Jeff says he would be fine with it, but I would be bummed if he didn't want to be around me during the holidays. Somehow I suspect that he is saying that to be kind. BUT- what choice does one have but to believe the things that people say? I can't just assume ulterior feelings because he swears he will let me know if something isn't okay. Perhaps I am just to wigged to test his word. I hate letting people down- but I am only doing myself a disservice assuming that I would be letting him down if he has already said its fine. So- you can see how this particular thought is a ball that spins at the rate of nutrinos in the super collider in circles.

4) Happy birthday to my Dad on Friday. Love you.